Does New Music Suck or Am I Just Getting Old?

It’s not a rhetorical question.

From about the age of 8 until sometime in high school, I used to listen to America’s Top 40 nearly every week. From then until I was in my mid-twenties I didn’t keep up religiously but I still had a rough idea as to what was popular. I still enjoy music, but for the most part my iPod is loaded with all of the stuff I enjoyed listening to when I had the time and inclination to keep up. While I might download the occasional band one of my friends recommends, or watch a few videos on YouTube of some act I saw on an awards show, my music collection comes to a screeching halt around 1997. I now lack even passing familiarity with most popular music. This week I decided to correct that. I pledged to reacquaint myself with the Top 10. Thankfully we no longer have to wait until Sunday morning to find the countdown on a Top 40 radio station (do they even exist anymore?) Everything is on the internet now so I found this week’s Top 10 and gave it a listen. My first reaction: the Top 10 was WAY better when I was a kid. My second reaction: I sound like my parents. I must be old now. Has music gone down hill since my childhood or am I just looking at the past through rose-colored glasses? Well, let’s put it to a little test. Here are the respective Top 10 lists for this past week (June 4-11 2011) and for 25 years ago ( June 7-13th 1986). May the best Top Ten win:

#10 

 1986: “A Different Corner” by George Michael

                                 VS

  2011: “Down On Me” by Jeremih (featuring 50 Cent)–

While I’m tempted to settle this one by saying a catchy tune you can dance to beats an overwrought ballad in much the same way that scissors beats paper, this one isn’t that easy. Jeremih has better music while George Michael has better lyrics and a better voice, but in the end it came down to one factor: street credibility. Winner: George Michael

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#9

1986: “There’ll Be Sad Songs” by Billy Ocean

                                VS

2011: “Written In the Stars” by Tinie Tempah (featuring Eric Turner)

Alternating between the whiny emo guy on the piano and the faux-tough rapper guy was tired when Lincoln Park did it. Pick a genre and stick with it. Singing a song about sad songs was tired when Elton John did it. Sad songs say so much. Songs about sad songs don’t say much at all. While I was tempted to just flip a coin and move on, I had to decide which song people would still have in their heads 25 years from now and that song belongs to Billy Ocean. Winner: Tinie Tempah only because this song will soon be forgotten.

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#8

1986: “Crush On You” by The Jets

                      VS

2011: “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars

Tough decision. I’ve got a soft spot for The Jets. They were a bunch of wholesome kids who could have been from your local performing arts magnet school having a good time singing harmless ditties and playing their electronic instruments. Just your everyday Tongan, Mormon, All-American siblings from Minneapolis.  On the other hand, Bruno Mars’ song is about doing nothing and he references Snuggies. Winner: Bruno Mars

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#7

1986: “Something About You” by Level 42

                          VS

2011: “S & M” by Rihanna

25 years ago I would have called Rihanna’s latest effort “pushing the envelope”. Today it’s just called “keeping up with the Joneses”. Winner: Level 42

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#6

1986: “If You Leave” by OMD

                        VS

2011: “Blow” by Ke$ha

“If You Leave” has a special place in the hearts of John Hughes’ fans (it was featured in “Pretty In Pink) and is a great example of a band using the synthesizer to bring out the best in a song instead of totally overwhelming it, while “Blow” is an utterly mediocre pop song whose success obviously has more to do with Ke$ha’s trashy bad-girl persona than any musical ability. Winner: Ke$ha (Naughty girls need love, too.)

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#5

1986: “All I Need Is A Miracle” by Mike & The Mechanics

                                     VS

2011: “On The Floor” by Jennifer Lopez (featuring Pitbull)

Jenny From the Block’s video has 230 million views on YouTube?! I’m sure none of them were from people she’s paying to do nothing but view her video on YouTube. 25 years after its release, enough people know “All I Need Is A Miracle” to make it a credible karaoke tune. 25 years from now people will still remember some things about Jennifer Lopez, but this song will not be one of them. Winner: Mike & The Mechanics

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#4

1986: “I Can’t Wait” by Nu Shooz

VS

2011: “Rolling In the Deep” by Adele

I had some really snarky comments about how the arrangement of “Rolling In The Deep” just reminded me too much of every Moby song I’ve ever heard for me to deny Nu Shooz. Then as I was giving Adele one more listen, my 16-month-old baby girl walked into the living room and started dancing. Winner: Adele

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#3

1986: “The Greatest Love Of All” by Whitney Houston

                              VS

2011: “Till the World Ends” by Britney Spears

Whitney vs Britney in a Battle of the Divas seems like it would be the most compelling of our match-ups, but let’s not kid ourselves. Whitney in her prime was pretty much unstoppable. Though Britney also taught a generation of males that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all, Whitney wins this one hands down. Winner: Whitney

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#2

1986: “On My Own”  by Patti LaBelle & Michael McDonald

                                     VS

2011: “Just Can’t Get Enough” by The Black Eyed Peas

Winner: The Black Eyed Peas on the strength of culturally sensitive references to “Mr Roboto” and “Me love you long time” in a video set in Japan and released after the tsunami.

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#1

1986: “Live To Tell” by Madonna

                            VS

2011: “E.T.” by Katy Perry (featuring Kanye West)

It’s rare that Kanye West plays second-fiddle to anyone in the pretentious jackass department, but Sean Penn is featured prominently in “Live to Tell”. Still, our winner is Madonna because her song, while not her strongest effort, doesn’t seem to be about forcibly catching an STD from an alien.

So, after a side-by-side comparison of the ’80s and today, it seems to me that the state of pop music is the same as it ever was. Except that the ’80s still rule. What do you think?

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